• Han Butler

6 Things I Want You To Know Before You Lose Your Virginity

Photo by nappy

I've never quite liked the term "losing your virginity". Of course virginity means different things to different people, but in my opinion, it just adds too much pressure to the act of sex and makes it seem as though it's not completely natural - which it is. Sex is one of the most natural things in the world, but I only really came to that realisation after my first time.

Before that day, through my teen years, I was genuinely terrified of "losing" my virginity. All the "helpful" information given at schools didn't help ease my mind at all, if anything they just scared me more and made it seem like it was this horrible experience, when in reality it can be a wonderful experience. There's only 6 things I really needed to know before my first time, so I thought I'd share them with you in case you need a bit of less scary guidance.



Where, when and how your first time happens is completely up to you. If you're not feeling ready, that's okay - you don't have to do anything that you're not 100% comfortable with. It's also important to know that deciding to have sex for the first time isn't set in stone, you can absolutely stop what you're doing at any point, even if you've already started.

You are in control of your first time, and every time after. Remember that.


I 100% recommend using a condom, especially for your first time. It's not only a great form of contraception, but it helps safeguard both of you against STI's. Whether you're planning on having sex regularly after your first time or not, I strongly recommend you making an appointment with your GP before hand so they can advise you on the different types of contraception available.

I know talking to your GP about this may sound scary, I get it, but please trust me when I say that there's nothing awkward about chatting to your doctor about this. You're quite literally just one of the hundreds of others that your doctor has had this conversation with.


Communication is key! I've said this in so many of my past posts. If you're comfortable enough to have sex with this person, then you should be comfortable enough to communicate with them during sex. When I say communicate, I don't mean have a chat about the weather whilst you're in a compromising position, I mean be open and honest with them during the whole experience. Are you feeling uncomfortable in your current position? Tell them, and change it. Are you starting to feel a little pain and irritation during penetration? Tell them and use some more lube. I know for your first time, you may not know exactly what you want or need, but don't be afraid to tell them if you have any desires or if you want them to change what they're doing. Vice versa, let them know to communicate openly with you too.

It may be your first time, but it can still be enjoyable.


Having sex for the first time is daunting for a lot of people, you don't know what to expect or what to do or even how to start. That's where foreplay comes in! Foreplay is perfect for easing yourself into it and relaxing your nerves. If you're unsure on what to do when it comes to foreplay, you're probably thinking about Googling how to do it - I personally wouldn't recommend doing that because in my experience that just leads to more confusion. I promise you it's nowhere near as complicated as you may think it is, but this is also where communication comes into play again. Guide each other on what to do or what to try. It's not embarrassing to create the best experience you can for you both.


Vaginal foreplay doesn't always make the vagina produce enough natural lubrication, so using lube can seriously help with the friction during penetration. There's absolutely nothing wrong with using lube, whether it's your first time or your 50th, in fact lube can be an aid in making your sexual experience that much better.

Although I recommend using lube for your first time especially, it's completely up to you. However, if your first time consists of anal penetration, lube is 100% essential!


If you're going into this thinking it's going to look like it does in movies or in porn, let me tell you now that, for the majority of people, it doesn't look like that. Drop your expectations of how it's "supposed" to look and drop your plans to copy a porn video step by step. You're not filming a blockbuster, so focus less on how it looks, and more on the feeling and pleasure that comes with it.

So remember, protect yourself, lubricate, communicate and most importantly remember that you are in control of your first time!

Love, Han


If you like what I'm doing and you would like to support me and my little blog, then you can do so by making a small donation via ko-fi here or via paypal using the following email - chroniclesofacreativemess@gmail.com

  • Black Facebook Icon
  • Black Instagram Icon
  • Black Pinterest Icon
  • Black Twitter Icon

© 2019 by Safe Haven; Chronicles of a Creative Mess. Proudly created with Wix.com