• Han Butler

A Open Letter To My Anxiety

Updated: Sep 17, 2019


Photo by Renda Eko Riyadi

For a long time I blamed you. I blamed you for my fear and sadness. I blamed you for my loneliness and ruined relationships. I blamed you for my pain. That blame turned into anger - incandescent anger. I felt as though you were taking over my life, my mind, my whole being. I tried to fight you, but you're just so strong; stronger than I was. Day by day I felt like I was losing parts of myself to you, and it left me weak and vulnerable. That's when your good ol' friend Depression slipped into the, already, troubled party that was my mind. I blamed you for that too by the way.


I looked in the mirror and I was simply a shell of the person I once was, and in that moment I didn't think I'd ever come back to life again. I didn't want to. That was before I realised that I can't blame you for all of my pain because you are me. You're a part of who I am, you probably always will be, and that's why I can't fight you.


I accept that sometimes you'll overpower me, and stop me from making a phone call, going to the shops or to meet with friends. I accept that some days you may make me feel so anxious that I can't breathe. I accept that I can't fight you, but you have to accept that I'm smarter than you. You're just one part of me, you don't define who I am or who I will be in the future.


All my love,

Han


xo



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