• Han Butler

How To Mend Your Broken Heart

Updated: Sep 17, 2019

Photo by Pixabay

Loving somebody with all of your heart and not having that love reciprocated is devastating and earth-shattering. Heartbreak can turn your whole world upside down, and it feels like it'll never get better. But it will, it always does. As I'm writing this, I'm reminded of a quote by a woman named Elizabeth Gilbert, she once said that "Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing..."

Although it seems like your entire world is collapsing around you right now, it won't feel like that forever. I'd love to be able to tell you that you'll be fixed and ready to go after a few days rest and some painkillers. But unfortunately it's not that easy. To mend your broken heart you really need to work with me on this. That means getting out of your tear-ridden bed, turning The Notebook off and putting the chocolate away.


Distract yourself.

The power of distraction isn't particularly my favourite tip but it does work nonetheless. When the break-up is fresh, you'll often find that your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. So whilst your heart is trying to catch up, find a distraction that works for you. That could be throwing yourself in to your work, or hitting the gym more than usual. Maybe you could take up writing, creating or voluntary work. Pick something that works for you; just make sure that it's not self-destructive. Your heart can't heal if you're distracting yourself with the bottom of a vodka bottle.

Write a letter to your ex.

Write it down. Everything you're feeling. Everything you wish you had said. And then you decide whether you want to mail it to your ex or not. Use this letter as a way to say goodbye to them and your time together, not as a tactic to get them to take you back. You need to realise that there's so much more to life than wishing they'll come back to you. As Mark Twain once said "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

Let go.

""Was it hard?" I ask. "Letting go?" Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real."

- Lisa Schroeder

After a break-up, most people feel an overwhelming amount of hate, anger and resentment, but I can't stress how important it is that you let that shit go. Let go of all those crazy ideas running through your head; don't burn their clothes, slash their tyres or sleep with their best friend. Because the longer you hold on to all of that negative energy, the harder it'll be to recover from the hurt you've endured. You can't change what's happened, you need to let go, get over it and move on with your life.

Stay in the present.

You need to stop living in the past. Your relationship ended, and there's nothing that you can do about that now. The past is exactly that - in the past. You'll get the closure you need as soon as you let go of the fantasy of how the relationship could have been.

Finding closure from your past doesn't mean that you should start overthinking about your future relationships. They don't exist yet so throw that worry away and just be content with where you are now.

Know your self-worth.

A break-up is more than capable of knocking your confidence, magnifying your insecurities and leaving you with low self-esteem. At the end of a relationship it is natural for us to feel as though we're not enough, but I promise you that is not the case. Not all people that come in to your life are supposed to stay there. Which means that you'll meet people who don't have the capability to love you the way you deserve to be loved, but that's their issue; it's not because of something you did or didn't do, or because of who you are as a person.

Self discovery.

A broken heart can leave you feeling as though you've lost a piece of yourself. So once you have let go of your past and your unhealthy attachments, you need to work on rediscovering who you are and what you like. Although your relationship didn't bring you what you want, it did teach you what you don't want. Depending on how long your relationship lasted, we can all fall victim to losing ourselves, and losing sight of what we truly like or want in life. So what I want you to do is make a list of everything that you didn't do or try because you were in a relationship. Everything from skydiving to eating Indian food, and then I want you to do those things!

Re-discovering your true self is the best part, trust me.

It's never easy to watch someone you love walk out of your life, but if that's what they want then you need to let them. You'll miss them, but always remember that you weren't the one to give up and walk away first. Besides, if you can love the wrong person that much, just imagine how much you can love the right one.

Love, Han


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