• Han Butler

8 Things You Shouldn't Have To Ask For In A Relationship

Updated: May 6

Photo by StarFlames

There are no two relationships that are exactly the same, which means that there can be many personal needs you could want your partner to meet - even though you have to spell it out for them half of the time. Personal needs aside, I believe that there are 8 things that no one should ever have to ask for from their partner, especially in a serious relationship.

"The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you."

- Sonya Parker



Back in my single days, and even in past mini relationships, I hated PDA. I didn't understand why a couple had to constantly hold hands and be all over each other. It just seemed totally unnecessary.

That was until I entered a serious relationship. Now I get it. Acts of affection show your partner that you truly do care and that you only want to be with that person. When you're with the right person, affection should be second nature - it shouldn't be something that you have to ask your partner for.

2. Attention

When I say attention, I don't mean that you have to reply to a message within 30 seconds or constantly be joined at the hip. When you're together, your attention should be directed towards each other - not outside distractions.

If your quality time together solely consists of you waiting for them to put their phone down and acknowledge your presence, then I think it's time you have a talk, because that's a problem.

It is also important to make sure that your partner dedicates some time to you. If your other half has plenty of time for their friends, but not time to do things with you, this is an issue. There are a lot of great date ideas, and they don't have to cost a lot of money, so there's no excuse to not make time for one another.

3. Compassion

Compassion can often get lost in relationships, especially after a lengthy time together - but it's vital that you don't forget about it.

For example, let's say that your partner is dealing with issues at work that is resulting in a great deal of stress and panic. Your partner may, unknowingly, begin to take their anger and frustration out on you. If this leads to a huge argument, it will most probably put a real dent in your relationship. That won't help either of you. So what can you do in this situation? Practice compassion.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes and imagine how they're feeling and understand that they are not intentionally trying to upset you. Through doing this, you can begin to proactively help your partner, and eventually, when they're seeing more clearly, you can have a talk with them without it leading to an argument. They can then show you the same level of compassion that you demonstrated to them.

4. Consideration

As much as I truly believe that being your own person, even when in a relationship, is important, I also believe that when you're in a committed and serious relationship you should always consider your partner's feelings before making any big decisions that could affect them or the relationship. Considering the affects a decision could have on the one you love before you make it, is something that should never have to be asked to do.

5. Honesty

Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust, because without it, no relationship can survive no matter how close you are. If I have to explain why you need to be honest in a relationship then I think you have a problem that you need to fix.

I personally think that the only time you should lie to your partner, is if it's to protect the secrecy of an upcoming surprise, i.e. a birthday party, gift, holiday, proposal, etc. I'm just not a fan of people keeping secrets in order to "protect" me, I don't appreciate people choosing what I can and can't handle.

6. Loyalty

If you don't know this already, you should never have to ask your partner to be loyal to you. When you love someone with all of your heart, you don't look elsewhere. Loyalty shouldn't even be a conversation in a relationship, it should just exist.

Cheaters - including flirting online - have zero respect for people's feelings. In my opinion, there is no valid excuse for cheating on someone. I personally would rather be broken up with than cheated on.

It seems like we're living in a weird time where people are praised for being loyal because it's so damn rare. It's fucked up. Be loyal - don't be a dick.

7. Reassurance

Does your partner love you? Do you have a long future with them?

You should know the answer to both of those questions.

You shouldn't have to keep asking your partner if they love you or want a future with you. They should never leave you wondering where you stand.

I'd just like to quickly say though, that we have limited time in life and we never know what's going to happen tomorrow - so make sure that all of your loved ones are never left wondering if they're loved and cared for. You can never say "I love you" too much.

8. Respect

Respect is not an option in a relationship, it's a requirement. You should respect each other's boundaries and you should listen to what each other has to say. Love is not a reason to tolerate disrespect because respect is just as important as love in a relationship. Without respect, there is no love. It's that simple.

I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on today's post and what you think is most important in a relationship, so please, leave a comment down below.

Love, Han


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